It’s occurred to me that I screwed up with my days. Day 22 & 23 were actually 21 and 22. I can’t amend the blog post because then the title would not rhyme and also because I can’t actually remember what happened on Day 21. I’m guessing nothing much judging by the rest of that week. Anyhoo, moving on!
I woke up and there was still a slight burn in my knee, along with a weird rippling sensation like there was something crawling underneath my skin. Absolutely delightful. I went to work, taking it easy when I walked but I noticed part way through the day that the pain had completely gone….Odd but YEY! David brought home pizza and a bottle of fizz, naughty David. I of course indulged because it would seem I have zero self control. Prior to that my diet had been fine for the day.
It was Saturday and I slept past 8:30 which means I slept in for bootcamp. I immediately set an alarm to go off every Saturday in future. I decided on a quick, fat burning, home workout and timed myself – it took me 12 minutes and 7 seconds. I aimed to beat that the following week. I then spring cleaned the entire apartment (even though it’s winter) and got rid of a lot of clutter. I didn’t stop moving until around 4pm. David then took me out for dinner and a few drinks, another cheat meal for the week. Gah!
David was slightly hungover so we didn’t achieve much. We just chilled out in front of the tv, I had avo and eggs for breakfast and greek salad for lunch. Dinner was a take away curry. Another fail. Another example of zero self control.
I was awake when my alarm went off for bootcamp but I just didn’t have it in me to get out of bed. I was feeling like a huge failure. I was wishing I hadn’t even started the challenge and was residing to the fact that I just wasn’t capable of sticking to anything. I have probably gained cms if anything , revealing these measurements is going to be embarrassing and on and on the negative thoughts went. Blah, blah, blah.
I got home and decided to turn the day on its head. I did the same workout I had done on Day 26 and shaved off 1 minute and 6 seconds from my previous time. I had bought some mason jars and made overnight oats, it looked unsavoury and nothing like the Pintrest post but tasted soooo good. Not a total wasted day but I was still feeling dejected. I’m starting to think I don’t have it in me to make enough small changes to make a big change, all the intentions are there but I succumb to temptation far too easily. I’m too comfortable in my comfort zone. I need to revisit my goals and do some work on myself. So many other things take priority, I can never put my own goals first. I have all the answers, keys & secrets at my disposal but it’s just getting the courage and making the sacrifices to action them.
I went to bootcamp and I worked my bum off, hallejuah! I didn’t modify any exercises either! Actually that’s a tiny fib, my PT wanted us to balance on a medicine ball when doing burpees but I was honestly too scared. I tried to jump back but the end result was me in downward dog position, nothing at all like a burpee. So I opted to do them without the ball. I just couldn’t trust that the ball wouldn’t roll out or slip from underneath me. Either way I was extremely happy with the effort I put in and felt a lot better about myself. My diet wasn’t great but wasn’t particularly bad, I would say I was 80% there. I made Banana & blueberry bread to satisfy any sweet cravings throughout the week.
I read an article this week on paralysis and perfection and it completely resignates with me. The article itself was about writing but I can apply the same feelings to fitness/weight loss. My favourite part in the entire article…
Replace the word “writing” with “ability” and that is my problem, right there. Easy as that. I’m not respecting the process. I want perfection or nothing which is never going to happen. There will be days that I find exercising and eating the right things easier than others but that doesn’t mean I’m a failure.
I also read this book…
I’ve also got a problem with eating my emotions, if I’ve had a shit day I want comfort food which usually involves a take away and I’ve relapsed into spending my weekends being social with a few too many drinks. I love nothing more than enjoying a few wines with friends or David. Now I know all of this is not good for me and I know it’s not helping anything but yet I just can’t seem to help myself.
LIFE IS HARD! But just gotta keep swimming