Hello it’s me again – it’s been a while! I’ve been super busy with work, college, training and other adulting. I’ve missed writing and after having spent too much of my down time with bae i.e. Netflix I have decided to dedicate it instead to you guys as we seriously needed to take a break! Me and Netflix that is! Hope this makes you as happy as it makes me.
Now I haven’t totally neglected you, I’ve been saving up some treasures! I try to take a mental note if I’m wandering down memory lane and exchanging war stories with friends because those are the times when most of my ideas for this blog pop up. This bit, I’ve been working on for a while…
So because I’m in a happy place in my life, I’ve found I can reflect back over my previous insecure/younger/mental years (without wanting to curl up and die/ vomit all over the place) and look at all the mistakes I’ve made because of just how insecure and lost I really was. Let’s be honest here, at one point I was just plain desperate! And because I was in these terrible places, I made allowances for shitty behaviour and believed any lie I was fed.
For your enjoyment I have collated the best lies I have been told over the years, there’s some shockers but I would like to think I have grown and learned from all of these experiences…
- Once I suggested to a guy I met online about switching numbers, his response was “I have given up my phone for 30 days, it’s all for charity” I offered to sponsor him and I was ghosted shortly thereafter. At least he didn’t take my money, he could have been a thief and a liar!
- When I asked a guy if he knew my younger siblings, due to him being younger than me (21) and having gone to the same school, he answered no. Turns out he was 19 and had been my younger sisters’ prom date – this all unfolded AFTER spending the night with him. Apparently nothing would have happened if I’d know his “real” age. He’s not wrong there.
- I once approached my crush from work in a nightclub to ask him for a dance I was promptly told “you’re confusing me with my twin brother” Knowing zero about him, I apologised and hurried away. The dude didn’t have a brother.
- When I wanted to take things further in a relationship with a guy I had been seeing, I was told that he was going travelling. This can also be code for “I’m getting back with my ex-girlfriend and don’t know how to tell you”. That Bon Voyage card I got him was a mistake.
- When having relations with an ex, he made all the right noises signalling the end of coitus and assured me “that was amazing”. Because of how biology works and the fact we weren’t using protection (we had been together for 4 years and I was on the pill FYI) it became apparent that he had actually faked it. When questioned about his Oscar winning performance, he answered with “I thought I was done”. I still don’t think my ego has recovered from this.
- When making several attempts to call to an ex after arguing the night before and leaving him in a bar, he finally answered with a yawn and I asked him where he had just came from. Confused, he replied “Nowhere I’m in bed, that’s why I didn’t answer earlier” What he didn’t know was that I knew he had been driving back from dropping off a girl he had taken home the night before. I knew this because had been sat in my car, looking at him sat in the opposite lane.
- That time I was feeling brave and decided to ask the guy I was dating if he was seeing anyone besides me. He replied very honestly with (or so I thought) “I have been dating another girl but to be honest I’ve actually just been thinking about how much I like you and that I don’t want to date anyone else. Hope you feel the same”. I was elated! Later that night I received a message from him, asking to come over to my house after finishing a night out with his mates. Before I could text back, the phone went again and there was another message received “That would be nice, I’ll open a bottle of wine”. Wait, what? The fool had only gone and sent the same message to me and this other chick. And we all had iPhones. Hellooo group message. Nice one Batman.
Ok I think that’s quite enough sharing for now kiddie-winks – I’m starting to cringe again! If any of you feel like sharing, lets hear it and put in the comments below!