Dating is always a favourite topic of mine, especially with the kind of nutty friends I keep! I love discussing the good dates that leave you feeling tingly, the bad ones that leave you feeling angry and the damn right ugly ones that leave you feeling embarrassed/ creeped out/ mystified or if you’re really unlucky all 3! I have had my fair share of disasters and at the time they were mortifying and infuriating but now I can look back and laugh my ass off and thank these guys for the hilarious tales I can tell!
The “unexpected” double date
I was on a date with a guy, we were sat in a bar having a quiet drink. It was our second date so we were quite relaxed with each other as we flirted and chatted along. My date got up to go to the toilet and while I was sat there I suddenly noticed that another guy, who I was also dating was sat a few tables over. How long had he been sat there? Had he seen me? Was I wearing the same outfit that I was wearing when I was out with him just 2 nights before? I sat with a menu in front of my face and waited eagerly for my date to return from the toilet so we could leave. We left and I was practically hunched over walking out, mentally chastising myself for being so ridiculous to think that I of all people could pull this off. After thinking I had got away with it, I received a text “Why did you ignore me and who is that bloke you’re with?” D’oh!
The “I guess we’re seeing other people “date
The other guy from the previous disaster date did get his own back. Sitting in a different bar in a different month with all of his friends, I was starting to feel like we may become a couple. I had sacked off the other bloke I was dating and all was rosy. I should have known karma would come back to bite me in the tush! Another friend of my guy joined the group. Not realising that he and I were together, he began to talk about the women they had both pulled the night before, using graphic details and not even slightly creative language to ensure I had the image firmly in my mind. I looked at my guy, he just shrugged. See, karma! She had my number!
The “He’s stealing from me” date
Me and my date had been for pizza. He insisted on paying but I realised he had not left a tip. When I mentioned it he said that they hadn’t done anything worthy of a tip and wouldn’t be leaving any. This did not sit well with me! Reaching into my purse, I pulled out a few coins and left them on the table. He looked at me like I had removed my shoe and placed it onto the table. I put on my jacket and as I was getting ready to leave I seen that the tip was gone! When I asked him about it, he replied “I said that I didn’t want to leave a tip” and proceeded to walk away to leave. I stood for several seconds in disbelief. I’d been robbed. “I don’t care if you don’t want to; if I want to leave a tip I will, now give me my money back!” He pretended not to hear me and kept walking. As I was about to really take off my shoe to beat him with, we passed the waitress. He pulled out the coins and handed them over with a wink! He then turned to me “satisfied?” I could have murdered him.
The “in your face!” date
I went out for a drink with a guy, he was a lot younger than me but I thought I would give it a shot! I should have gone with my first instinct. He was a man child, he could not handle his drink and he became very drunk very quickly and for some bizarre reason invited a friend on our date. This friend looked like an elf, an evil elf and he did not like me. He was rude and made comments about my age (I was 27!). Having lost all interest in this date, I decided to make my excuses (before I resorted to violence) to leave. My date came after me, prepared to give him a speech of how it wasn’t going to work out I turned around. It was at this point he tripped, slipped or perhaps lost use of his legs and his drink came hurtling towards me, it landed all over my face. I was stood with vodka and coke dripping from my fringe. The evil elf sneered and shouted “in your face!” Jerk!
I’ve got a few more but I think I will save them for another day, another blog!