Case of the ex

Ladies, you know when you get to that point in (most) relationships where things are going swimmingly? And I mean GREAT?

You’re past that awkward phase of who should text or call first. You’re on a level where you know it’s headed somewhere and this isn’t just a fling. You’re shaving yourself daily, applying makeup and fluffing your hair incessantly. You’re spending all your free time together! The sex is amazing and plentiful and you’re even splashing out on pricey underwear. The wonderful feeling of contentment and glorious excitement for what the future may hold! You’re imagining what your children would look like, googling ways to deal with his over bearing mother/ annoying sister or any other female in his life and asking yourself whether you would still find him attractive as an old man?

Yeah THAT part! I wonder then, if there is somewhere above us a cruel, alternate universe where a bitter, old witch is standing looking down on us like the Gods used to back in ancient Greece. Our world set out before her like a Polly Pocket. She sees us rollin’, she hatin’ before screaming in this high pitched voice “SEND IN THE EX!”  Thunder clatter, lightning strikes and there SHE is.

You immediately feel like Mike Tyson has just socked you in the gut. Of course you know who she is, you’ve stalked her so much on social media that you know her face better than your own. Whether that face is walking towards you or appearing on your boyfriends phone when she happens calls him randomly (which he hasn’t removed because he never thought to, he isn’t female and won’t be aware of the melt down that’s about to commence).

When its scenario A) HER walking towards you, you will always regret how you react. No matter what it is, you will ultimately hate yourself for it and pour over every detail to your friends and to your reflection in the bathroom mirror. Whether it is a nonchalant toss of the hair and slight smile or giving her evils and smirking, you still end up feeling like you did wrong. What happens if they’re still good friends? You have to stand there with a sweet smile on your face and watch your boyfriend be nice to someone he used to SLEEP WITH!! Of course you start to imagine it and try to not to break down into hysterics throw up all over the both of them.

When its scenario B) HER calling him randomly, you will watch incredulous as he casually answers the call! Your mouth slightly open, your eyebrows pulled down and your eyes wide in horror! ATTRACTIVE!

This poor bloke, he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. The situation could be that he never spoke to her in passing or even answered the call. It could be that he did speak to her when bumping into her or that he innocently took that call. The result of either scenario will be the exact same. The bitter, old witch from upstairs we talked about earlier claps her hands together and shrieks “UNLEASH THE CRAZY!” Thunder clatter, lightning strikes and there YOU are.

You give him approximately 3 seconds to explain himself for either A) speaking to her or B) not speaking to her.  Because your insecurities have already kicked in and told you that if he spoke to her then he still has feelings for her and If he didn’t it’s because he must still have feelings for her! He can’t win. You’ve already decided that fate for him.

He will now be presented with the silent treatment, a storm off or an outburst of tears. All of which he may be able to handle. However lurking around the corner is ANGER! This will start with calling his ex manipulative/scheming/sneaky paired with bitch/cow/skank followed by more creative expletives that your irrational mind can come up with and a surge of immature behaviour. You will be making accusations of him still having feelings for her etc, so forth and what not. This WILL be exacerbated if a man makes the horrible mistake of defending her in which case will raise a response from the dark and fiery depths of hell that no man ever really wants to ever see.  Cue a red face, eyes like daggers and an outburst of “WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO OUT WITH HER THEN, IF SHE’S SOOOO PERFECT?”

I had a similar experience myself only just recently. My partner was attending a conference in the city for work. He called me part way through the day as he normally does, asking about my day etc. I knew from the offset something was off. He then went on to tell me that his ex was also attending the conference as they are in the same line of work. In the time it took for him to finish his sentence, I had already created a scenario that there would be a storm that afternoon, the city would flood, bridges and roads would close and they would have to spend the night together in a hotel suite drinking wine and reminiscing about old times, why it didn’t work out and end up in bed together. I put a stop to my crazy and tried not to let it leave my brain but I still managed to fire off that she would probably break her neck to speak to him and then be making a follow up call a few days later because they “never really got a chance to chat”. I then proceeded to give him the silent treatment for a couple of hours not because he’d done anything wrong but because I felt stupid and embarrassed at my own behaviour. I of course apologised later for being so childish but I know if anything similar happens again my thought process will be the exact same.

So what is it about these ex-girlfriends that throw us in to a fit of insane, jealous rage and makes us feel threatened? Nothing, not a thing, nada! It’s our own insecurities masked as ex-girlfriends driving us to the point of being committed. They can also mask as the new girl in the office or the friend he’s had since being a kid, (you all know exactly what I’m talking about). The insecurities can come in many different disguises; they’re like the bad guys in Scooby Doo.  Rip off the mask and there it is your own insecurity!

I believe our curse as women is that we will never rid ourselves completely of insecurities, certainly not in today’s society. But I do believe we can become aware of them, understand them and not let them get the better of us. Don’t get me wrong I act like a complete loon at least once a month, maybes twice, three times.  Ok every week but I will never hold anybody accountable for my actions and I will happily apologise for them and explain them (after a sulk of course). Keep a lid on the crazy ladies; they’re exes for a reason.

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5 thoughts on “Case of the ex

  1. O.M.G!!!! I loveeeeee this post. And I always thought it was me..smh..that witch upstairs will hurdle in the flock of women who don’t care if your man is in a relationship-they want in, too. Keeping your cool and at the same time talking about your insecurities can help aid and patch up the crazy side. I have a loopy side with dating but I’ll get into that later with a post of mine. I also love your style of writing. I’ll stay tuned

    Liked by 1 person

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